‘… human life is mainly a process of filling in time until the arrival of death, or Santa Claus, with very little choice, if any, of what kind of business one is going to transact during the long wait, is commonplace but not the final answer. For certain fortunate people there is something which transcends all classification of behaviour, and that is awareness; something which rises above the programming of the past, and that is spontaneity; and something that is more rewarding than games, and that is intimacy. But all three of these may be frightening and even perilous to the unprepared.'

Games people play
By Eric Berne M D

I am worried that I am spending my life 'filling in time' with meaningless stuff. I want to be aware, spontaneous and intimate.

(Is there a spellchecker on this thing?)