Whinge, Moan, Complain

Kids enjoy it, others think it's a pain, Christians don't like it.

Do we face the dark side of life enough? In western countries we are protected in a way from the reality of life and death. We only think about death when we have to, but most of the time it is hidden away in hospitals etc. How many people ever see a dead person? When we are young we think we can live forever, and when we are older we try to live for ever, by trying to stay young.

Did you know that it takes 90 years to grow a box of Kleenex? Every time you use a Kleenex tissue you are blowing away ancient forests. That's because Kimberly-Clark, maker of Kleenex and other tissue products, all but refuses to use recycled paper in its products. Instead, Kimberly-Clark is clearcutting some of the rarest and oldest forests on Earth - for products we use once and flush away.

http://www.partylaunch.com/greenpeace/

I feel a bit like I'm in no mans land when it comes to housing. I can't afford my own flat, but I also don't have much chance of getting a council/housing association place as I have a job, I'm not homeless or a single mother or a key worker etc. So all I can do it rent rooms. I have filled in the housing application form, twice, it got lost the first time, but I'm sure I will go to the bottom of the list anyway.

I am so fed up of living in other peoples houses and with their rules etc. The only time I really felt, where I lived was home, was when I lived with my ex for 4 years. She only has a small flat, but it was cool. Now I'm back with nowhere of my own. I have too much stuff, some still at my ex's place and she want it out, some in her garage, some at my parents.

Right now I live in a bedsit, at least I have my own bathroom. But I don't have a kitchen, no drinking water, no washing machine. It was the most private place I could get for what I could afford, and the room size is not bad, so that's why I moved there. But the landlady didn't mention that I couldn't share her kitchen until too late! She locks the downstairs rooms when she goes out.

I just want a small flat of my own. Shouldn't everyone have a right to their own space?

I don't eat much meat and enjoy vegetarian food. (I don't do much cooking at the moment as I don't have a kitchen, but that's something to moan about another time).

Is Quorn really OK to eat? On the one hand it seems better than meat, but what is it made of? some type of fungus recently discovered, and who know what effects if may have if eaten frequently over many years? I really don't trust the company's that make these things, nor those that make shampoo, toothpaste, etc. But more of that another time.

Nothing in my life is secure. I work for a charity and I like my job and work with cool people, BUT our core funding runs out next year and we may not exist any more. I live in a bedsit where I don't want to stay for ever, and may not be able to if my job ends. My boyfriend doesn't want to give me any long term commitment, he also lives in a small rented room and may not have a job soon (he works at the same place as me). Maybe living like this is good for my soul. Anyway that's the end of my winge for today.

It would good to be able to change the order that our friends are layed out on the side. If I make one more friend, my good friend Sleeper will be pushed off the end, and Bradders has already gone.

I thought I would be a copycat and post a picture of my desk like Bradders. This is it, as it is!

To feel safe (emotionally)
To feel connected
To feel valued
Otherwise they will become insecure, worried, needy, paranoid, nagging,
angry and resentful, the things men hate in a woman and women don’t like in themselves too much either.

How to bring out the best in a woman
1. Talk to us.
2. Listen to us and care about fulfilling our needs.
3. Don't be rebellious - be cooperative.
4. Reassure and comfort us.
5. Keep your sexual and romantic energies invested in us.
6. Stay connected and don't shut down.
7. Compliment and appreciate us.
8. Communicate with us clearly and concretely.
9. Keep your commitments in a timely fashion.
10. Pay attention to us.
11. Share what's going on with you.

(From: What women want men to know by Barbara De Angelis)

I think I also need to read a book about how women can treat men to bring out the best in them.

... of some of those thing in the previous post. It’s not just men that behave in these ways. When I was in a relationship with a woman I behaved the way men do (in some things). Now I am in a relationship with a man and I see how it feels when he behaves that way towards me.

Don't talk to us.
Don’t listen to us and ignore our needs.
Be rebellious.
Don’t reassure or comfort us.
Flirt with other women.
Be distant and aloof.
Criticize us.
Be vague and ambiguous.
Be forgetful and procrastinate.
Don’t pay attention to us.
Don’t tell us what's going on with you.

(From: What women want men to know by Barbara De Angelis)

This is the bit I read in the library which made me decide to read the book.

My boyfriend is really nice to me most of the time. I sometimes get upset and angry with him, for the way he behaves, but he doesn't want to upset me. I could live with the way he is, these are normal things that can be worked through, but I really have a problem with the prostitue thing. Somewhere in my head I have a belief that nice men don't do this kind of thing, and the problem is he seems nice but he has visited prostitutes. I look at him, and I care about him, and we have a nice time together and I don't want to split up with him. But I can't get the prostitute thing out of my head and it makes me angry. He likes oriental girls, and now everytime I see one, (and there are loads)all I can think about is him with her! I wish I could ignore it or forget about it, but I can't. If he could just promise me he won't go to her while he is with me I would feel happier, but he won't (or can't).

In January he is going away for three weeks, he booked his ticket on Saturday. He invited me to go with him, but I can't. I have been thinking this would be a good time to split up with him. I will be paranoid while he is away, I cannot trust that he will not visit a prostitute. I have told him this is what I want to do. He sais 'will you still be friends with me?' but I don't know if I can. I feel pain thinking about leaving him, but I can't continue a relationship with someone when I feel so angry and paranoid about something they might do.

I've talked about my boyfriend in such a negative way, you must be thinking,
why do I want to be with him at all. So I thought for once I would
write about his good points. So here I go (not in any order):

He can be fun and make me laugh
I feel I can be myself with him, he doesn't judge me and accepts me as I am
He is encouraging
He has a possitive attitude to life which balances my negative attitude.
He dosen't seem afraid of anything which balances my fear.
I have freedom to do what I want
When he doen't see me at the weekends he texts me a lot, and it feels good to be in touch even though we are not together.
Good sex.
He's good at arranging things to do on weekends and holidays.
His family like me and are nice to me
We can sometimes have some really good dicussions
He buy's me little things, so I know he has been thinking of me.
He likes me!

I'm tring to get my head round having a relationship with a man, and how different it is from a relationship with a woman.

I am reading a book called 'What women want men to know' by Barbara De Angelis, it's horribly American, and I don't
agree with everthing she says. But she has helped me understand something about myself and about men.

When I went on holiday with my boyfriend for two weeks, by the end I felt very lonley, even though we'd had a great
time and had been physically intimate, we had not been emotionally intimate, we hadn't connected. In her book,
Barabara says men are happy with bonding (which she sais is having a similar interests and doing things together)
this makes them feel close to someone, whereas women need to connect (which she sais is emotional closenes and
mutual vulnerability) in order to feel close to someone.

Barabra says women feel emotionally unsafe if their man is amoung other things: withdrawn, silent, vague and ambiguos, lacks commitment, excluding, uncomunicative - which my boyfriend is. She sais these things cause women to behave in a way that men don't like becoming clingy, insecure, needy and parnoid or cold and indifferent. Maybe this explains why I've been feeling the way I have and wondering why, as I've never felt this way before, but then I've never been in a close relationship with some one who behaves this way before.

I'm really into this album at the moment. I think the first song 'square one' expresses one of the reasons why blogging is so addictive and theraputic:

You just want somebody listening to what you say
It dosen't matter who you are

This is where people listen to what you say!

Here is the whole song
(as best I could work it out, as there are no words in the insert, feel free to correct me).

Your in control is there anywhere you want want to go
Your in control is there anything you want to know
The futures for discovering
The space in which we travel in.

Is there anybody out there who, is lost and hurt and lonley too
Are they bleeding all your colours into one
And have you come undone
As if you've been run through some catapulted fire tube
You wonder if you chance 'll ever come
And if you're stuck in square one

Well, I haven't rung my new student yet. I seem to be avoiding it. I can always find something else to do. Hopefully I will pluck up the courge before the end of the week.

I think I am becoming addicted to blogging. Every time I sit down at a computer all I can think about is checking blog.co.uk and my e-mails for comment etc. It's like being in love, even when I'm busy I can't wait to see what people have posted or to post something myself. Does anyone else feel like this or am I just sad and weird?

Hey, do any of you have this problem. When I click on the 'home' tab I seem to get logged out, but not every time. Am I doing something wrong?

If you have a guest visiting, would you put on the radio or TV without asking if they are Ok with that?

If your boyfriend/girlfriend is visiting and you are having a nice evening, watching a DVD followed by making love, and dozing in bed. Would you then with out warning get up and switch on the radio or TV to listen to the news?

How would you feel if you were the boyfriend/girlfriend visiting?

I would feel as if my boyfriend was bored of me and wanted think about something else. Maybe if he made a simple change such as asking, 'do you mind if I catch up on the news?' I wouldn't mind.

Do men and women have different views on this?