Whinge, Moan, Complain

Here is a nice e-mail from my bloke in India. I just had to share it with someone.

My train is at 12.50 so I'm not rushing to the station. Read your mail. It made me tearful. You are so nice about me. And I miss you anyway. And its not just the sex. I haven't felt much like that even though it was over a week ago. I honestly think I miss you. So its a good thing i came on holiday so i can understand this better. Sometimes I like to be on my own in England and perhaps that doesn't seem very freindly to you. i'm just used to my own company for so many years - especially as a child - but I like your company too.

There is so much to buy here. Some Canadians at b'fast were talking
about the suitcase fulls they have. Its so cheap. I'm looking out for
something - one thing - that you might like. i'll get a few junkie things too!

Yesterday on the tour the guy stopped at several emporiums (shops). I
think he was on comission. Everyone here is on comission to someone.
Loads of lovely things; carpets, jewellery, clothes, carvings, pictures etc. Is there anything you would particularly like and I would enjoy looking out for one. There is just so much shopping to look at!

Off to pack my bag now and taxi to the station. There are several
stations and I'm travelling to one south of the downtown. Have stocked up on water and mandarins as have been advised not to eat food on the train.

Take care.
Fondest regards

It's great to have e-mail! That and blogging are what makes me get up in the moring at the moment. Without them I would be feeling very alone. Well it seems that it's good for us to be on different continents for a few weeks as it makes us realise how we really feel about eachother.

This is in reply to Sleepers comment on my post 'Science and religion': I'll bet some of your readers would like to know how you fell out with religion. Perhaps you'll share that with us some day.

I became a born again Christian when I was 19 and was Christian for the next 10 years. I used to believe anyone who wasn't a Christian would go to hell. So wanted to convert people to Christianity. I even worked as a missionary for two years in Albania. I returned to England early as we were evacuated because of riots. But When I came back to England and back to my Church they didn't want to support me any more. My Christian friends seemed to think I should not have come back. I felt very lonely, and I didn't know what I was doing here, or what I was going to do. I got a job over the summer and met a woman there who seemed to care about me more than my Christian friends. I ended up in a relationship with her which my Christian friends didn't approve of and some of them even stopped taking to me. I stopped going to church and moved in with my girlfriend. Then I started to feel in some ways I had wasted the last 10 years reading only Christian books and listening to Christian music I had missed out on so much. So now I am trying to catch up. Now I don't know if I even believe in God. Sometimes I do. But now I feel freer to find out who I really am.

My room is now clean and a bit tidier. After I finished the house work, I had a shower and took myself out for dinner. I've never done that before, but I felt like going out and there's no-one else to go with. I only went down the road to Pizza Express. But it was OK, better than staying in on my own.

I have Sunday all to myself, so I am giving my room a spring clean, while cleaning I am listening to Cold Play and James Blunt.

I spent Friday night reading all the e-mail my boyfriend has ever send me. It's great to have a record of a relationship. They made me laugh and cry and smile.

Yestoday I met a friend for lunch. She brought her 2 year old son. He is ver cute at the moment, but he is going to grow being really selfish as she lets him do what ever he wants.

I'll be back this evening when my room is clean and tidy.

I'm not pregnant! We had a contraception problem a couple of weeks ago and I've been worried since then. But today my period started! What a relief!

My bloke is off to India on Thursday, and I will see him for the last time (for three and a half weeks) tomorrow evening. I think I will be feeling a bit sad and lonley for the next few weeks. But I will also have more time to do things I haven't got round to for ages. I'm sure I will also be spending more time here in blogland.

Last night I was watching a video of 'The God story' with Robert Winston. The last one was about religion and science. He visited some weird Creationist Christians in the Bible Belt, they believe the bible is literal. They are even building a museum of creation which will show how humans existed at the same time as dinosaurs and the animals taken into the Ark where dinosaurs! They also think the Grand Canyon was created by the biblical flood. What bollocks!

I've never had a problem with science and religion even when I was a raving Christian I didn't dismiss science or evolution. Robert Winston was saying that we fill the the things that we don't understand with God, but the need for God is getting smaller as we understand more about the world. But I think even if we understand as much as possible about the world that doesn't necessarily mean that there is no God.

I suppose though even believing science is a kind of faith for most of us. We are still just beliving what scientist tell us about things we cannot prove for ourselves.

Well, I have waffled on a bit there!

I saw a picture of cucumber slices on Jojo's blog and it reminded me of some cucumber paper I made a few years ago. I couldn't find a picture of that, but here is some banana paper and strawberry paper that I made.

for writing. I feel tired and depressed. I think it's the winter. I'm feeling weak and unable to make things happen. Do you ever feel like you have something missing, cause I do. I feel I'm not compleat and I will never be like other people, or never really be an adult. I think I need to sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Well, I seem to be feeling better. At least that cold didn't last too long. I'm off to my parents for dinner tomorrow and visiting some other friends in the afternoon.

I can't belive the first week of January is gone already! Time definatly goes fast as you get older, and what am I doing with my life? I want to change my life, can I do it this year? What can I do to make my life better? What is better anyway? What do I really want?

Some ideas of what I would like (in my dreams)

A full time job that I enjoy with people I like, who like me.
A job that makes a difference in the world.
To earn more than I do now.
My own flat.
To be more confident and assertive.
To know what I want.
A serious relationship with someone who is not too mixed up (does anyone not too mixed up exist?)
More friends
To get thinner.
To relax and enjoy myself more, without feeling guilty.
To do more meditation and yoga.

Other stuff I want

A new computer
A newer car
A 'Pure'digital radio
An ipod - they are so cool, but do I really need one? They are really just an expensive toy. But I still want one.

OK, I'm back from visiting my friend, she cooked me chicken and rice and we had a nice chat. Now I really have a disgusting cold and I feel ill as well! Great! What a good start to the new year.
It's freezing outside now, I think it might snow again.

I'm off to bed. Good night friends.

I don't have anything interesting to write about, so this will just be waffle.

My nose is really annoying me, it been producing loads of snot since yesterday, I don't feel ill, so I don't think I have a cold, but to everyone else it looks like a cold. I'm off to have dinner with a friend in a while. I haven't seen her for months, but that's the kind of friendship I have with most of my friend at the moment; we meet up, then don't see each other for months before ringing and arranging to meet again. I need to get some friends I can see more frequently. Well my bloke's off to India in a couple of weeks, so I will have more time to meet other people. I was thinking of splitting up will him when he goes, but I don't know that I really want to. Maybe the real test of our relationship will be being on different sides of the world for a few weeks! I saw another friend last week and she doesn't think he is good for me she says I am just playing his game of sex and no commitment.

Well it's nearly 7.00. I better go and get ready.

I have got bored of my plain white knickers, so I went to Blue Water yestoday and bought some more interesting ones. Here are some of them.

... to my friends and everyone else.

Have a great year.